Paranoia - Noodles Review

3 out of 10 Noodles

    What a misleading title for a movie? Nobody's even paranoid in this movie at all so calling it Paranoia doesn't really make sense to me. Instead, they could've titled it Generic Conveniences. Know why? Because everything in this movie is written in so conveniently for the characters to succeed in the most generic way. So, I guess you can tell it's not a very likable movie. Before seeing this movie, the premise sounded pretty cool. One guy is spying on a company for a rival company but not everything goes according to plan and then shit happens. Plus, the CEOs of the companies are played by none other than two of the best actors in the business! We got Gary Oldman, one of the most diverse actors of modern cinema, and Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones & Han Solo: 'nough said). On top of that, it stars Thor's brother, Liam Hemsworth, who's good in The Expendables 2 and The Hunger Games, but this could have been his breakout role as a leading actor! Sadly, it's not.

     Hemsworth's character in this movie is so unlikable; the only reason an individual would enjoy him in this movie is because he's an attractive guy. However, his acting in this movie is pretty bad. I found myself comparing him to Taylor Lautner's performance in Abduction but at least with that movie we knew it was gonna be bad. Just as bad as his acting are the choices made by his character. The whole plot is put into motion because he got fired from a company and then he decides to go out clubbing with the credit card that's issued by the company he got fired from that he still luckily has! How stupid is that! And then, through a sequence of events, they choose him of all people to be a spy; this irresponsible guy who just goes out clubbing after he's fired? Wow. The writing in this movie clearly is off-putting, but we'll get to that later. The chicks, too, that Hemsworth gets with in this movie are really weird as well. One tries playing hard to get even though he already got with her, while the other chick tries to seduce him while he's already trying to seduce her. The only semi-redeeming qualities of this movie are that Gary Oldman and Harrison Ford actually try in this movie. It's undeniable that they're phenomenal actors, and they are, for the most part, good in this movie for what they're given. Nonetheless, they're given crap dialogue and stupid plot points. I cannot bag on the writing of this movie enough; it is so bad. The dialogue is unrealistic and not enjoyable, while the plot is so convoluted and uninteresting that I kept wanting to stop watching the movie.
     Additionally, the directing of this movie is a huge weakpoint. It looked like a made-for-TV movie from the '90s. The directing and camerawork were horrible. Sometimes there was a person talking but half their face was off the screen. In another sequence, Hemsworth is running like a little girl, flailing his arms around and whatnot. There's no purpose for him to be running like that; who said that was okay? It's funny seeing how stupid it is, but it's not even supposed to be funny. And with it being a spy thriller with convoluted twists, you'd think that it'd be unpredictable, right? Well it's not. It had those cliche moments like when he has to break into a vault and he's failed two out of three attempts, with the next failed attempt triggering the alarms. And then it tries to build tension in that moment, but you already know he's gonna be alright and his last attempt is gonna get through. The movie has no suspense whatsoever, despite trying to be a suspenseful summer thriller. It's not suspenseful because you always know what's gonna happen and don't really even care for the characters. It's not summer because it's boring and uninteresting rather than being fun. And it's not a thriller because there are absolutely no thrills. The only thing remotely okay about this movie are the performances of Gary Oldman and Harrision Ford, and that sometimes even gets old since Ford never gets the chance to say "Get off my plane!" It's not worth seeing in the theatre or even worth renting. It's one of those movies that will be on cable and you'll have to think about if you actually have nothing better to do than invest your time in it. But you'll probably end up passing anyways because Paranoia barely gets 3 out of 10 Noodles.